I haven’t written in a couple days because life is just so busy. It’s friday and again, I’m hit with a sense of exhaustion. It doesn’t help to get 5 hours of sleep on wednesday nights and then try and play catch up on thursday night…
I’m still sitting each and every morning. It is helping me to notice a whole lot during the day. There is a lot going on in my world. I have relationship issues that I’m working on, I have a wholesale business, online business and I’m trying to figure out what to do with the physical storefront. In the past week I’ve had landlord issues (me being the “landlord”) and we had a repair that was needed at the cafe. My kids are both home daily and so there is the parenting things that come up every few minutes. It seems I am the Chief, Cook and Bottle Washer in just about every aspect of my life. I’m also homeschooling the kids so there’s much to be done to make sure that they are doing what they say they are doing. I manage two houses and just had a buying club order come in that I had to sort and get invoices out for. I also am very behind on things like laundry and housecleaning. I’m seeking help and am delegating work and I’m learning to let go of a lot although I must say that I really have a problem with piles of things. Right now there are piles of clean clothes on the one chair that the kids folded but didn’t put away. I’m also taking 2 classes this semester and am writing 5 papers a week plus reading/responding to about 10 papers a week. I receive about 100-200 emails a day that need to get filtered out and some need responding to. I have an office manager that I have to make sure she knows what to do each day that she is here. Questions from customers, phone calls to make and/or respond to. Errands to make on the behalf of myself, matt and the kids. I am making appointments for routine exams that happen this time of year and also trying to make sure that I am eating 2-3 meals a day, exercising and taking care of myself. To say that I am walking around in a low-level state of anxiousness about the next thing on the TO DO list is an understatement.
Still, I am utilizing this mindfulness meditation that I do each morning. It’s at times as though my thoughts become an errant child and I need to put her straight.
Today I went to get a massage. My body has been tense. I don’t have much touch in the day. I hug my kids and I pet my dogs but not a whole lot is reciprocal… I mean, my dogs aren’t scritching my back telling me what a good girl I am. (Although they are so unconditionally loving and attentive in other dog ways that are really nice.) Needless-to-say, the massage was welcomed. My muscles are pretty darn tight and it was a good release to do this. It’s time to schedule more of massage appointments, too.
Now if there is just enough time to do the WANT TO’s plus HAVE TO’s…
I’ve been having some lovely things happen outside of the meditation pillow. Mostly, I’m just able to stop the dialogue, drama and stories a whole lot faster and bring my attention back to the present moment. I’m also kind of experiencing less worry for various things in the day. I think it is interesting that I’ve been feeling so tired the past couple weeks. I normally always feel good and up and I keep plowing through things. I haven’t been eating as many greens the past couple of weeks and I’ll experiment with that to see if it has relevance. But I don’t really mind being tired. I don’t mind my body telling me that enough is enough for now and it’s time to stop and relax. I’ve been napping a lot and that is not me either. But I recognize that there’s a lot on my plate – many decisions are being made and I trust the process of this as well as my life.
I’m off to take a bath. This post is really a dumping of my thoughts and various feelings. Forgive me for not being more eloquent.