Today is thursday and I had an OK amount of sleep last night. It still seems to be that every other night is my pattern these days of adequate sleep. I had talked to the massage therapist about possibly starting to take a tincture of valerian before bed (she is versed in herbs, also) and she recommended that I try this when I don’t have to be up early to get out the door because valerian can sometimes make a person alert and make another person sleepy so best to try when there isn’t something to have to be awake and alert for to begin. So perhaps tonight I will try this tincture and see how it goes.
This morning I did my usual morning routine which has been including this visualization of holding certain thoughts and images in the forefront of my mind. I am desperate for compassion and empathy and true friendship in my daily life. I have learned how to provide this for myself and I really want to see and experience external examples of these things. I have great friends that are there for me, however, they are many hundreds of miles away. It’s been a prayer and a wish of mine to have this closer to home and it will happen. In the meantime, I’m grateful for my old friends and for my own connection to Spirit that keeps me knowing that I’m connected even if people here are too busy or needy or whatever else might be going on in their lives. I seek to open up more space in my life, particularly after this master’s program is done so that I can allow for time to be spent just being a friend with someone, with my kids, with myself and in my life. That is a very pleasant thought that keeps me going when things are otherwise stressful and overwhelmingly busy.
My back is still extremely sore today. More sore than yesterday. Perhaps it would have been good to have an epsom salt bath last night. Maybe I can do that tonight although it is my daughter’s birthday so probably this will have to wait until tomorrow. I took some green powder specifically made to help with inflammation and I’m walking around doing errands here in Shelburne so that my body doesn’t get too stiff just sitting. I am breathing into the pain in my low back and really loving it. I’m so sorry for the pain in my body at times. Sometimes it seems as though I’m damaged goods from this marriage and these pregnancies but thankfully that is just a passing thought. I keep working towards pain-free living once again. I’ve had many years of it and so I know what it feels like. I have deep gratitude for the times when I have pain as well as when I don’t. It’s all changing and fleeting. This pain slows me down, keeps me in my body and keeps me functioning in a very gentle and loving way so how can I be anything but grateful? Today’s mindfulness is centered around my hips/pelvis/sacrum. I’m looking into doing some structural integration (after many years of thinking this would not be good on my body) and we’ll see how a session goes.
I’ve been sitting for over an hour now so it’s time to get up and move. Thanks for reading and blessings to you in your own awakening journey.