Sunday night I watched a movie that triggered a lot of OLD stories in me: stories of loneliness and pain. I was feeling sad and lonely and decided to not dwell in it alone so I wrote to a few people that I know were usually up late. One lucky (or unlucky as the case may be) person was up and graciously agreed to be present to me. I said that this was old news and that there was a disconnect at the moment between my intellectual mind and my emotions. He heard me and validated what I was feeling and said all the right things. I felt very thankful for this experience. The sadness dissipated rather quickly and I was happy to see that I didn’t collapse by opening up a raw side of myself with a friend. Sometimes, things need to be witnessed and this was one of those times for me. I ended with some night time meditation to continue to breathe in the emotions and watch them dissolve.
I woke up after a good sleep and did my morning meditations. The morning’s meditations continue to be insightful. I still have a myriad of thoughts coming in and I’m sure that will be that way for a while. The books promise that these things will slow down some but for now, I greet them as the old friends they are!
I am interested to also include a night time meditation because I want to have a good winding down experience and get to that intimate space with myself before bed, just as I do in the morning after rising. It was also really good to have that time after emailing a friend to continue to slow down the thoughts.
Gratitude was the theme for me yesterday. In the morning after meditations, I received two phone calls from old friends and we talked and processed a lot of things for them and me. I told them about my experience the night before. It was good to go over this with people who have known me for centuries. 🙂 I ran some errands with my daughter in town and was very crazed with lots on my mind. I was working hard to keep mindful of how my TO DO list was getting to me (plus the excitement that the semester was beginning again.) I found myself routinely taking deep breaths and getting back to my body and getting back to the experience of the few hours I had with my daughter. These moments are special and I do understand what these books say about the tragedy of getting lost in thought and losing the present moment. Sitting actually does help to continue the awareness when we are “off the pillow.”