I want to write about this before the bliss of the day's events completely leave... :-)
I woke up yesterday morning and did a little meditation first thing. I got out of bed around 8 and made myself a big huge green smoothie:
(I actually made enough for 4 people)
3 medium bananas
local frozen blueberries
rice protein powder
I added quite a lot of kale so it was very dark green. It was pretty yummy, though and I felt pimped out for the day. I got dressed and met a friend for our mother's day treat to ourselves.
We went to Stowe, VT to a place called Stoweflake. There's a spa and resort there. It's a beautiful spot. My friend Linda and I drove there and got caught up on a slew of things that are good, bad, stressful and otherwise in our lives and when we opened the doors for the spa, there was an almost immediate sense of dropping everything and taking a big luxurious pause. Linda treated me to this day, which was very surprising. I didn't plan on that at all and I started to cry. For years and years now, if I want to celebrate and honor anything for myself and my family, I have to do it myself. I have for years bought my own gifts and planned things for various holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It's just rote now. So Linda and I planned on getting a massage and she told me about this thing at Stoweflake where you can do a spa day for about the same money and have access to the whole spa and have lunch, etc. Her treating me to this was so unexpected and sweet and I just welled up and thanked her with a BIG BIG hug.
We selected our lunch and then went to the back room where we were given plush robes and slippers. Linda showed me around to the place where the cushy lounge chairs are, the pools, saunas and locker room and showers are. We got dressed into bathing suits and then went to the mineral pool. It is 101 degrees of sheer pleasure. We sat in there and floated around until we got good and warm and then went to the waterfall pool. It was awesome to have the waterfall beating down on my head, neck, shoulders and back for I don't know how many minutes. Then it was time to go back to the mineral pool until all tension and stiffness went away.
We sat in the lounge for a minute and drank the cucumber water that was delicious. Why don't I drink this all the time?! Then we went into the steam sauna for a few minutes. That was interesting. I had never been in a hot steamy humid sauna before - only dry ones. It took some getting used to and I couldn't stay in there longer than about 5 minutes. Afterwards, a shower with beautiful smelling products and then back in our plush robes to meander about. We walked down the hall in slippers and robes and ate lunch at their cafe. (We actually sat outside near the closed pool but wanted to get some fresh air.)
Linda remarked how nice it would be if this was more standard for our culture: things like turkish baths and the custom of communally caring for ourselves. It was great to see people of all shapes and sizes just taking care of themselves. It was wonderful to see the standard uniform of women walking around our private sanctuary in robes and slippers languishing in a few hours of peace. Even better to see was when the women came back from their massages with their complimentary bottle of water and the blissed out, relaxed facial expressions. Just wonderful.
After lunch, we laid out on the lounge chairs and waited peacefully for our massages. My body felt weighty in a very good way. I had no plan for these hours other than to nourish myself in this peaceful way. We talked sometimes and other times just closed our eyes and got ourselves into a deeper place of peace. My body was very very happy for this experience and it caused a deep sense of peace in my mind, too. AHHH, I really needed this and I shouldn't wait another year to do it again. With any luck, I won't.
It was a magical 5 hours at the spa. I had a glorious massage and then we rested for another hour and a half on that lounge chair, drinking cucumber water. I brought a piece of chocolate to share with Linda. It was very difficult to get up. Who would want to leave this paradise?!
We drove home on a beautiful VT country rode during beautiful weather. The magic never ends sometimes. We were remarking about how wonderful and good we feel when we get out of our heads and into our bodies. I think that's when we are open to real magic in our lives. It was great to see the difference in our speech and body language after the day of relaxation. We had so little to say in comparison that was processing and more of gratitude and sharing in all the beauty around us. We also did a bit of dreaming for future field trips here and there. :-)
The evening was spent with my children. We went to montpelier for dinner - there was only like 1 restaurant open on mother's day! What a crazy town! It was nice. Afterwards, I took the kids to get some shorts and things for upcoming trips and just because they are growing so tall now that they need the stuff.
Here's a wish for more mindful times spent in our bodies, in our lives and an openness for magical moments.
lots of love,
it's been a roller coaster of life lately. so much going on. my own way of thinking of things also puts me into places that can be utterly pleasant or terrible, depending on how my mind wanders... I had one rough moment yesterday afternoon. I suppose the best way I can put it is that I'm aware of all that I manage and oversee and for some reason, it is feeling like it is too much these days. I am seeking help and support but not really getting it and so something has to give.
I shut off all electronics last night and went to bed at 10 pm. It felt good for me to cease and desist all computer work and mindless FB chatting. In bed, my mind immediately went to a beautiful image of some future place and state that I want to be in. I drifted off into sleep.
In the morning just before awakening, I had a dream about an old boyfriend. One that I hadn't thought of in years and years. I don't know why he decided to show up in my dream but my reflection after waking was on the ways in which I gave a bit of myself over to him. I was very immature back then and had not had much relationship experience back then. I was a lot stronger, too, in many ways, and that was also good to reflect on. It turned out to be a very good reflection... I went into a place of meditation after that. Acknowledging the thoughts and reflections and then letting them be. No need to analyze further.
More thoughts and reflections came in and they went about their way, too.
In my rough moments yesterday, I want to acknowledge that I did some tonglen around them, too. There was a moment when the pain I was feeling (emotional pain) was so great that it felt like I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I breathed into and out of that space for myself and for countless others that could possibly be feeling that right then, too. I suppose it helped me to do this act for myself and others because that pain was big enough to fool me into thinking I was alone in that thought/feeling.
This morning I made a loose plan for how I wanted the day to go to day. I'm doing all things for me right now. OBLIGATION was the word that kept popping up as the action to avoid in my life from now on. :-) It feels good to make that claim. I also figured on what I was going to eat today since eating has been so strange for me since late January. (No worries on this.) The phrase that popped in to replace obligation was CARING AS A WANT FOR SELF/OTHERS - in other words: CHOICE. It's a much better place in my heart (with lots of space around it) when I ask myself, "what do I choose to do today?"
This morning I made a kickass slam dunk green smoothie for myself and my kids:
1 local small apple
a head of lettuce
rice protein powder
I sucked down 3/4 of it and will have the rest later. Since January I have been at a loss for what to eat. Don't ask me why. I decided today that I will have a smoothie in the morning and a nori wrap this afternoon if I'm hungry. Dinner is always easy to figure out.
So that's all that's on my mind thus far. I'm off to see about getting another paper written and posted for school. Thank you to anyone that is reading my thoughts and mind wanderings... all love, Linda
well, it certainly is difficult to maintain a blog when you have a full life going on! LOL (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
I've been keeping to my commitment of meditating daily. Some mornings I don't have as much time as others but I make sure to sit every fucking day. That's my promise to myself. (oops, sorry for the swear words. they come out every now and then!) I mean to say that I AM DOING THIS, which is why I'm being so emphatic as to swear about it. I should shout at the mountain top or something to get the point across.
The other morning I was thinking about this idea of watching myself in a way similar to when I was a new mom. I used to sit with these babies and just fill myself up with them. Looking at their faces and watching them breathe and be. Such little miracles and I was so curious to learn more about them. I've been sitting with myself in a similar fashion. If something comes up, I'm not trying to knock it down or shush it. I am looking at it with curiosity.
I've also been really digging the body scanning as a way to tune into my body. Boy does that ever help for those of us who can get lost in imaginations and dreams. I realize for several years now I haven't really been very grounded. I have big dreams and goals and I really love imagining them. I somehow manage to be very productive, too, so I guess I can't really say that I'm not grounded. I think I mean to say that I find myself sometimes in my head more than I am in my heart or in my body, if that makes sense. Anyway, the body scanning is a way to FEEL your toes all the way up to your head and back down. It's a great way to relax whatever feels tense, too.
So I've been watching myself with loving curiosity. I'm having fun naming what is going on and then letting it be and getting back to my breath. It's like a game and I'm enjoying the game.
I'm nearly finished with Radical Acceptance. That is a good good book. Highly recommend it people! I still have to do a lot of the guided meditations in the book so that will be great to go back to.
This morning's meditation was very short because I overslept. (still not used to this damed daylight savings time stuff.) Oops, there - I swore again. I did only about 10-15 minutes and set the intention to practice mindful awareness throughout the day. Well, I was trying to get too many things done at once and on top of it, I have a nearly 12 year old and an almost 14 year old that have PLENTY of things to say to me and ask me in the course of oh, about 10 minutes. I don't know why I set out to get anything done and should vow to come back to reality and a life when the young one goes off to college. :-) So in meditation, we learn to have single-minded focus and attention and in my daily life, I find myself seriously multi-tasking with my own life and my kid's needs. OY! I started finding myself becoming very frustrated when I endured the 10 minute long retelling of a dream without any point and which took so long because of the pauses, ums and other grammatical breaks in the story.
I stood up and noted that my stomach was growling so it was time for a juice.
I took and cut up a pineapple,
peeled 4 CA oranges
and 1 meyers lemon (goddess, I LOVE these things)
and then I juiced them
I got about 50 oz plus of juice out of them
then I juiced a big bunch of kale
2 stalks of celery
2 stalks of fennel
I made more than 64 oz of juice and I shared it with my 2 kids. I had about 32 oz myself. Delicious and felt so good. I talked with my son a bit about my need to be able to have A THOUGHT AND SEE IT THROUGH TO ITS CONCLUSION in the form of doing some work or getting something done without 100 interruptions. We were joking as we were talking as we always do and I love how my kids and I communicate. Especially my son. He and I are mutually sarcastic and it makes me laugh so much.
The kids had their lunch and went out to walk the dogs. *WHEW* I had a breath of silence in the house. What a treat. I took that time to relax and deep breathe and remind myself that no matter what interruptions come, I'm going to just invite them in to tea, like Tara Brach says... :-)
The afternoon went a whole lot more smoothly. I even got an hour of yoga in which made everything oh so blissful. I went off to an appt I had in town and the person I was meeting was late. At first I was wishing I brought something to do because I loathe waiting for people to grace me with their presence. But instead, I thought, "Oh yes! I can sit and meditate in this quiet room until the dude is ready." So I sat in a firm chair with my legs uncrossed and my arms at my legs. I breathed in a few times and relaxed and I just noticed. I had many wonderful sensations in my body and I noticed how I wanted them to continue. I told myself "FEELING" and just watched them dissolve, thanking the experience.
I noticed the classical music on the radio. I noticed my thoughts. I sat with my eyes closed for maybe about 10 minutes and then decided to open them and sit mindfully in this room. I looked at all the posters and pictures on the wall. I noticed the fabric on each chair and the cracks in the plastered/wall papered wall. I noticed the drawing someone did on the white board as they were presumably waiting like I was. I noticed the carpet and the window and what was going on outside. I felt a part of this room, like I belonged here because I was there. I wondered briefly about the many people that were in that room and what stories the walls would say, if they could. I then went back to the music and the feeling of the breath in my body. It was the easiest wait in the world and it didn't seem to matter how long it took for dude man to come in to find me. I actually thought he could take as long as he wanted.
I came home after a good meeting and decided to make myself a salad for dinner. (Oh yes, I grabbed a lemon laura bar after my yoga as I was racing off to my appt. I was so hungry after yoga!)
The salad I made had:
I also took a capful of wheat-free tamari and poured it over the salad in lieu of dressing.
I LOVE salads like this. So many delicious tastes and very filling. I made up a duplicate salad to take with me tomorrow night for a dinner that I have to go to (where I know there will be nothing much for me to eat.) I ate this salad with much joy and gratitude and thoughts of my good friend Gina. She and I eat salads like this whenever we get together and I'm so looking forward to more time with her to eat more salads like this. For a moment, I was picturing myself talking to her, telling her to try this pesto and these olives and then I remembered my intention for mindfulness. I said, "PLANNING" and "THINKING" in my head and then took a deep breath and went back to the reality of just eating and enjoying the flavors.
And that, my friends, is the update today. Oh, I suppose I should say that I ate a piece of "paleo" brownies after dinner because they were there and looked good. I laugh at any recipe with the word "paleo" in front of it because I imagine our paleolithic ancestors driving SUVs and being soccer moms, making "paleo" brownies and other silliness for their paleolithic soccer playing, iPOD wearing children. This is so ridiculous! Let's call it gluten free brownies! Paleolithic people were not eating brownies and pastries and cupcakes and ice cream! AAAAAACK! They were NOT BAKING! But I'm seriously digressing here. I ate a gluten free brownie with carob chips and sweetened with maple syrup. It was yummy and I'm glad they are gone now (even though I was the one that made them!) :-) That was my dessert and I ate it with as much joy and gratitude as I did the salad.
Peace out my friends,
I missed monday's post! I can tell you what I had though:
32 oz juice in the morning made of celery, greens, cuke and apples
32 oz smoothie for lunch made of blueberries, mango, banana, rice protein powder and a boat load of greens
dinner was a big plate of baby romaine with leftover rice pasta, bean burgers and veggies. it was THE most filling meal I've had in over 10 days. I got so tired and went to bed right away! LOL
today when I got up, I was JONESING for hot cocoa. So I made a small mug using hemp milk. You know what? It didn't taste very good. isn't that something.
I wasn't really hungry so I cleaned up the kitchen a bit and then made a smoothie for later. made it with a bunch of collards, bananas, strawberries, rice protein powder and morning jing. I added some AFA and VM green too. it was tasty and filling. I drank it before going into town for errands and an appt.
Took my son to his eye appt and then we ran a few errands in town. I ate a "goji apparatus" from tulsi tea room that was nice but again, these foods were not tasting the same. Came home to do some online orders and then went back to bring in groceries, put them away and began making a bunch of food for the week. I made a pot of brown rice, 2 recipes of parsley pesto, 1/2 recipe of cheddary cheeze and then chopped up mushroom, onion, zuke and red bell pepper to steam cook for my dinner. I rode on the stationary bike for 45 minutes on level 10 and worked up a little sweat.
dinner was on a plate of meclun mix with the veggies over top, some slices of tempeh and about 1/2 cup brown rice and a spoonful of parsley pesto. It was a lot of food and filled me up very well. The rest of the family had some of the kickass chocolate covered cheezecake that I made but I didn't have any. My daughter and I took the dogs out for a walk - maybe about a mile and here I am now.
it's always interesting to gauge the tastebuds after a fast. something BURST with flavor and other things don't. some things taste a bit like sludge. I made this pasta for my daughter then day before and it tasted like nothing. I had to be careful not to over season because for me, I tasted nothing but she could taste it. Isn't that interesting?
So, I keep on keepin on. I'm basically back on the (modified) fuhrman plan with loads of veggies, a tiny bit of grains/legumes and laying off salt, processed sugar and oils. It was interesting to want the cocoa so badly and have it taste weird. Like too mild and I kinda shrugged my shoulders and say, "Meh. why bother?"
Have a great night!
So the "program" continues for me. I'm committed to 8 more weeks at least in order to get things back on the track that I like them to be.
I had a great day yesterday - I had 6 hours of ME time. How sweet is that. I don't get them often. In the morning I got up and made a juice:
a bunch collards
The pineapple and oranges made about a quart of juice so I took about half that and added it to the greens and drank that down. I took the remainder fruit juice and put it in a blender and pre-made a smoothie:
16 oz fruit juice from above
1 cup frozen local blueberries
heaps and heaps of baby spinach
rice protein powder
this made another quart of smoothie and I drank that down a bit later. Then I put some water in a jar and went to a 3-hour yoga workshop with Lauren Walker. This was an energy medicine yoga workshop - the first of its kind, I think. I had not taken a class with Lauren before and found the class very fun. She's relaxed and funny and gets into her work. She's good at demonstrating and speaking the steps of what to do and why to do it. The 3 hours flew by and I was very grateful for that.
I went home and immediately went to the cafe where 3 friends of mine were meeting to have our weekly support/dream group. We each shared and supported one another for 2 hours. I'm very grateful for this group of women.
It was a little after 6 when I got home and I remarked to myself how I feel when I do these things for myself. They are so needed and necessary - I feel so great when I do them. i have plenty of opportunities to do these kinds of things but I don't do them so much. WHY? I'll have to work on that.
got home and heated up leftovers from last night for dinner. (see yesterday's post for that.) Again, it was heavenly eating this and feeling grateful for it. I also had 2 spoonfuls of raw cheezecake for dessert. That tasted creamy and smooth and delicious.
we had an evening of old X-files shows and then Avengers, a great movie. I had my dog on my lap as I contentedly sat with my family. It was very nice.
I got to bed really late and woke up 7+ hours later. I feel quite good. I said my morning prayers/intentions and am now going to begin my day. More later.
this week has gone by so very quickly! I am unsure if I'm stopping completely - actually I think I'm going back to the modified Fuhrman thing. That seems to suit me very well. I feel pretty good so a part of me wants to continue because I am not experiencing what I've experienced in the past. It was funny because after I did the 10 day juice fast, I thought I'd do 7 because that seemed to be more doable. I didn't have a desire to do it again for a while. This time it was like a spur of the moment thing. You see, I had planned on attending Hippocrates program that was to begin 2/17. It didn't work out for me to go and I was really REALLY upset about that. I had so wanted to be taken care of - I wanted to be given a program and food and told, "Do this."
I decided to just do it myself (as usual) LOL. So here I go. Because this program would have either been 3-9 weeks, I'm dedicating this time to myself in this way. I figure if I had been at hippocrates, I'd probably be on a cleanse for at least a week and then a modified program including juices, wheat grass, etc. So, I'll do that for myself and I'll keep posting.
2 stalks celery
a whole lotta baby spinach
1 pineapple (shared a bit with the kiddos)
This time I kept the greens separate and only included a little bit of the sweet juice in it (enough that I could tolerate it) - it was yummy! Then I drank the sweet stuff. I probably should have switched it but I wanted to have the delight of the pineapple orange juice as a kind of treat.
actually, I made a smoothie! I liked yesterday's so much:
1 local apple
2 cups local blueberries
heaps of baby spinach
I shared this with the kids. It was fresh and delicious. tasted like fruit.
3 stalks celery
2 oz radish sprouts
heaps and heaps of baby spinach (can you tell I ran out of other greens today?)
3 plum tomatoes
I gotta say, I love my dinner juice with the 1/2 avocado, miso, dulse and hot sauce in it.
So, that was the day! OH Confession! This afternoon I made the kids some lunch and I tried some. (Had to test it to see if it was good and then I had a couple more bites!) It's always pretty interesting to taste things after a fast. The flavors are way more pronounced. I also felt pretty stuffed by those few bites. That was amazing.
I rode on the bike for a while (45 minutes on the circuit training program, level 11) and got a good sweat in. I wished that I had done more sweating this week. I'll be sure to get more sweats in somehow in the coming 8 weeks. (Might as well go for 8 weeks now)
well, I'm going to sleep. thanks for reading. let me know what your favorite juices are. I am grateful for this break and I look forward to continuing on in some really good way that makes me feel oh so juicy.
lots of love,