I just woke up from a dream and had the feeling to write it out here so that's what I'm doing. I definitely want and need to send out another newsletter with all the photos and fun stuff going on but this one is different.
I had a dream that the community I grew up with decided to have a musical dedication for my mom who passed away 15 years ago, although in my dream, it was only a year since she had died. There was beautiful music being played. My dad was there and he was going to play something for her (he is an organist and plays *beautiful* *beautiful* music.) He was arriving late because he didn't want to be there for the whole thing as his grief was too great (which is not characteristic for him.) I arrived with my friend Paola, my neighbor, whom I've had the honor to be on very similar life journeys with for decades. (Paola's dad died two months after my mom and his health went south due to diabetes two months before she was diagnosed with cancer.) In the dream, I was still so full of grief and pain. This woman Beverly was there singing in my dream and this made me totally weep. Beverly belongs at an opera with her voice - it is gorgeous and soulful and she also sang (in real life) at my mother's funeral. At one point in the dream, I decided I wanted to sing a song that mom and I sang together as a duet. It was called "In His Time." It's a very sweet and simple tune and carries with it a sweet and simple prayer for life. A bit of the words are: "In his time, in his time, he makes all things beautiful, in his time. Lord my life to you I bring, may each song I have to sing, be to you a lovely thing, in your time." I very much miss singing with her and I woke up because of all the difficulty it was to sing this song in my dream.
I woke up because the grief in my dream was very real and the emotions I was dreaming about caused me to tear up. I write this now to honor it here. Watching my mom and neighbor be so sick was the catalyst for me to become so passionate about my own health. I began learning about healing foods all those many years ago. It wasn't until 9 years ago that I had even heard the phrase "raw foods" and it's been a delightful change and discovery in my life since. I remember wishing that I had known about this 16 years ago when my mom was diagnosed. I'm not saying that things would necessarily be so different because it was her life to live after all and her choices to make but I think I might not have felt so helpless and lost in what to do, in what I would do. Things happen in perfect timing though and I feel so blessed and grateful for it all.
In this time of wonderfully fun holidays and celebrations, I also pause to reflect on this journey, my deep gratitude and joy for the life I live and to honor my mother and Mr Sciurba's lives who have touched mine so fully and deeply. If those events never happened, I might not have had a raw food cafe, taught all these fun classes nor made/sold nut milk filtering bags to people all around the world. And you know, too, this was my moms. She gets all the props for everything. I still miss her and love her. I miss singing with her and hearing her voice but I don't have to go very far to hear her, all I have to do is open my own mouth. (Funny, all those high school years when I rolled my eyes every time someone said I sounded just like her is a gift to me now.) 8-) Funny how things work, isn't it?
Anyway, I wanted to share this dream with you. I am very grateful for this journey that I'm on which unfolds in delicious and gorgeous ways each day. This dream shows me how I still have and hold grief for her and also how beautiful and joyful I feel in my heart to be able to have all these feelings. I'm grateful to have had a mother who taught me so much and in a sense, still teaches me things now. This holiday season today for me is one of sweet stillness as I write this in the quiet of the morning. I'm very grateful to each of you who is reading this now because that means that you are on this journey with me in your own unique way. May you remember and honor a loved one (or two) today and may your life be filled with joy and blessings. Happy Holidays!
In joy and in health,
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