Just wanting to get some thoughts out, ok it's a rant

it's late and I've got too much on my mind to sleep. So I figured I'd write this out. OY, is all I can really say to start this out. I live in a beautiful place. We chose this spot because it had a beautiful space and high speed internet, to be honest. I need high speed internet for my job and so we couldn't be out in the middle of nowhere. And frankly, I don't want to be out in the middle of nowhere. This beautiful place is far enough away and yet not isolated (which is pretty funny considering we live in a town of 900 people and friends/family that come to visit invariably go, "how did you find this place out in the middle of nowhere!") But believe me, this place is not isolated compared to several places you could be here in VT! :-) It's beautiful and we have this hill that we see from our backyard that I love to look at each day. I love the trees in my yard and all the grass everywhere.

It seems that because we live where we live (in the middle of the village), we seem to find ourselves in this place where we are literally in the middle of things that aren't so great all the time. When we first moved here, a kid was trying to molest other kids and hey, we found ourselves in the middle of that trying to keep our kids safe and the kids in school safe. Then came the potential agricultural fair that wanted to use the field behind our house (it is town property - it is where the fireworks happen each year on my birthday and when we moved here, we were told it was given to the town to be used for agricultural purposes and recreational purposes, not to be developed on.) So we found ourselves in the middle of a short but passionate discussion of whether the ag fair would be setting up their everything and vendors camping out in the field for a couple weeks each year. Thankfully, that didn't happen. Then came the recreational committee who wanted to use some grant money to change the field a bit and add a soccer field and baseball field and they used some chemicals on the land saying that they would give a buffer zone. How funny is that!? The buffer zone didn't happen because that got mucked up and honestly, how can there be a buffer zone anyway? For real! Do the chemicals go, "Oops, we have to stop here. We're not allowed to cross this line." What chemical company paid for that bullshit to get passed? Hello! Air! Water! Sun! We have these things called elements! Weather! There is no buffer zone when you put chemicals in the ground or in the air! Geezum!

Then there was the property boundaries. Some dude who appeared as if he must have been intoxicated or something came in to figure out property lines. Come over some time and I'll show you, the lines are all SO crooked. Property boundaries are ALL wrong and this was a few years ago now. Has it been fixed? um, nope. According to this, half of my house shouldn't be there! The stake that this dude put on what would be the corner of my lot runs right down the center of my house. No joke! Isn't this stuff for a cartoon?

Then we wanted to plant some fruit and nut trees and bushes at the cafe. We had a permaculturist come and make a plan to help put some life back into the soil (frankly some previous owner used to bury their lawn equipment in the ground there.) We asked for permission to do this on some of the adjacent town property saying that when we leave, the plantings will be a donation to the town. Well then we got in the middle of some phone chain about how the town gave us property for free. Ee-gads, I'm not making this up! What a nightmare of a meeting that was for me. They said well, we didn't know you were going to plant so much. (Can you believe that tonight this was brought up in the meeting! Hello! Can you say UNRELATED! and recalled oh so differently. Tonight it was stated that they didn't know trees were going to be planted at all and it was a septic issue for people. Um no! nearly 20 people showed up because they were told via the rumor mill that we were given property. There was never a septic issue.) OY! So surreal. I'm not making this up!

The most recent is this gravel crushing project. Again, let's bring in industrial equipment that has the potential to cause a lot of environmental harm to the air and the adjacent river and let's just start crushing rocks. Oops on the parts that are spilling into the river and oops on the parts that are getting breathed in by the neighbors. Our bad. Um, sorry. We can't control this thing that we decided to have happen. It's almost laughable and yet this is part of what we've experienced living in this beautiful village... Thankfully more great things have happened that thankfully outweigh this WTF stuff.

But still, I am trying to decompress from another night that makes me question so many things. I really want to have faith in my town government. I don't look at anyone there and think they are bad people or whatever. I just want to live my life and not feel like I have to be some damn watchdog. You know what I'm saying? Like I lived in NJ, I lived in the Silicon Valley - I've had enough superfund sites around me, I don't want to have to worry about the crap that is quite literally happening in my own back yard. I've got kids here. There's a school just right across the street! Even more kids to worry about! Geezum Geezum!

And yet shit keeps happening and I think I must be getting called to have to participate more than what I have. But I've already done my time serving on the school board and I don't want to be in public office at all! I seriously loathe meetings and I don't want to have to go to meetings in order to know that this crazy laughable stuff isn't happening. Meetings to me are such a waste of time. No one sticks to agenda, no one keeps to point (except for Spencer Weart at the American Institute of Physics. That man should be a trainer and train people how to run a meeting. I swear. It was a pleasure to have meetings with that guy.)

But I digress. See? I digress! I don't want to stick to my point either! LOL I just want to live in this gorgeous town and do my gorgeous thing. I don't want chemicals dumped for no damn good reason on the field behind my house. I'd rather take the long grass and field mice we used to have when we first moved here. I don't want the rocks being pulverized essentially two properties over. OMG! To me, this is short sighted stuff! What is it to the end? We have such a short life to live in the big scheme of things, why do people have to fuck things up like this on our earth? For what? I ask questions. I try to understand but I honestly don't understand.

Ugh. I don't want this job. I've got enough on my plate. Really great stuff on my plate. I think I've found my gifts and I want to use them. Being a watchdog doesn't feel like a gift and yet I'm trying to be grateful for this. To see the divine in this. I'm a student here, learning in this life. I know I have lots to learn.

OK, it's out and I'm going to sleep. Thanks for reading. Or not. I just needed to get it out. Rant is over. Good night.

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