Thursday's meditation

I only got 10 minutes of meditation in so far today but I intend to do more before bed. OK, let me back track a bit. This morning I woke up at 7:30 am and that was too late to do any meditation. Had to get ready to take the kiddos out for the full day with a homeschool group. I said my little thanks for the day (like to start in gratitude, even if it's just one second.) Got up and got the day started. Arrived up north at 10 am and then went to see about running an errand for my friend Meg. The place was closed until 4 so went to the little cafe that I sometimes go to in order to get internet access. I pulled off some files from a database and noticed I was feeling quite sleepy so I went back to my usual work place for thursdays. I thought about taking a nap and/but as soon as I closed my eyes, I started thinking about all the things I wanted to get done for the day... I had my breakfast and then got down to business... I was very productive today. Wrote 2 papers and started 2 more. I spoke with a friend from school, then my dad and then I went to run that errand for Meg. I got back and then decided to take whatever time I could before it was time to pick up the kids to do some meditation. Here's what I noticed: My body was tense! I don't know how long it really was tense for but I began noticing just how tense it was when I sat and started relaxing myself during these ten minutes. I breathed in and out and scanned my body. My brain was very active with lots of TO DOs that I was thinking about for later. When I was having these kinds of thoughts, I noticed my body becoming very tight and tense. That was actually very good to notice. My body doesn't like these FUTURE thoughts like this. I hope I can remember this now but maybe I don't need to - maybe I just need to keep breathing, relaxing and noticing. It was only 10 minutes but it had a very positive effect on me. I realized that so much of my life has been spent in this mode of doing - wanting to be (and actually being) productive. I'm happy and love the life I live and I enjoy the work that I do. It's kind of a catch-22 in a way. I am propelled to get fun and good things done each day. I accept the work and the school work that I'm doing and I find great joy to be in an academic setting again. I do love homework despite me saying that it is stressful to have to hand in 6 things in one week. The balance that I'm seeking is to continue to take this time to sit, relax and notice. It is a very good break. It's "me time" in the best sense of the phrase. I'm finding I value it just as much if not more than time spent with my bestest buddies. In a video that I watched for meditation class, Jon Kabat-Zinn was saying how Americans all could be diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He was saying this because we DO and DO and DO but don't stop to just be. We don't sit still with focused attention. We don't tune our apparatus, he says. Musicians will tune their instruments individually and then will listen to each other and tune their instruments together as a group. Why, he asks, do we find it weird to be still? Why is it weird for us to tune our own instruments? I loved the metaphors he was using - he was literal and figurative. I notice that I have definitely gotten caught up in the doing for quite a long while. But I have hope. I do recall a great long while of just being! As well, I have recollection of doing AND being. LOL So I can remember what it feels like each time I sit on the meditation pillow and commit to this time to and for myself. Well, the clock is showing a late time. I'm going to clean up the kitchen as mindfully as I can and get a little sitting in before bed. I have another FULL day ahead of me. You know, if nothing else, meditation helps to SLOW the moments down just a little bit. (It would be great if we could learn how to do it a la the Star Trek Insurrection lady - she's so awesome! See that link to catch what I'm talking about.) :-) all love and peaceful sitting, Linda