wednesday - it's wednesday already?
This week has really been going by quickly. My hope to slow things down like that star trek lady isn't really working, it seems! And now here it is, minutes before thursday. SO much is going on. Trying to work out details for renting out our space. We have a plan A, B and C sort of in the works and aren't attached to any one of them, meaning that any one of these could be great things and I acknowledge, too, that if there was something better that the universe had in store for me, then I will accept that as well. What else. Working out a slew of details between matt and myself on all matters including the year end taxes, home stuff, work stuff, everything. Homeschooling the kids. My son is figuring out and needing help with a science fair project. We are also talking about summer workshops if you can believe that. We met today to talk with staff and go over some possibilities for marketing as well as see what staff needs are, what supplies are needed, etc. walking the dogs, feeding the dogs, caring for the dogs, making food for us, figuring out supplies needed for home as well as work. and then there is the school work for me. UGH, the managerial hats that I wear each day are pretty amazing. I was brushing my teeth thinking that I could easily work just about anywhere now from the house work, school work, homeschool work, parenting, cafe work, internet sales work, and manufacturing work that I do. :-) Maybe I'll rewind for a second and talk about the meditation and mindfulness training here. I woke up at 9 am to my dog barking. I meditated for only 15 minutes this morning because I had to meet a friend for a walk at 10 am. It was interesting to meditate during intermittent dog barking. I wasn't bothered by it. I still find the dogs' barks extremely cute and small sounding (even though they are trying to be fierce) so it brought a smile to my face to hear him. I did a quick scan of my body and then thanked the day and set my intentions. I went for a 3-ish mile walk today with a friend. She is much more fit than I am and she was much more able to walk up the hill and keep talking at the same time. For some reason this morning, it was rougher for me. Maybe it was because I didn't have my usual morning to get up, (actually WAKE UP!) and have breakfast. HA! That's so funny! Yes, maybe it's because I was freaking tired and probably not fueled to actually get going. But I still did fine, got my heart rate up, and had a really nice walk/talk with a friend and that's the important part. I got home and did a whirlwind of things and then walked the dogs with my son, making a trip to the post office and then went back to the cafe for a staff meeting. Got back home and went back to ticking off some work-related things. Here's what I've noticed since this commitment to sitting each morning: It appears that I have a greater clarity for some things. Very simply, I'm not doing things that don't feel good to me and are not serving to me anymore. I also like not being attached to things, i.e. having a plan A, B and C and not being attached to any of them. It's a very grounded feeling. And it's one that I've felt before - certainly before having kids and if I'm honest, before my mom died. Her death rocked my world and then having kids knocked all over the place again. I write all this knowing full well that the journey continues and what feels great and grounded and clear today will change in several months or a year... I hope this is making sense. I'm writing very extemporaneously and it's late. Right now I feel very grateful for this clarity. In a sense it seems as though I've woken up and grown up just a tad bit and I'm seeing things with eyes wide open, awake. What is different is that I'm not knocking myself down. In the past I might have gotten to this place and have said things like "Oh look at this, you dumbass, why did you let that happen for all this time?!" I'm sort of using my life lessons as the sitting meditations. When the thought comes in and I notice it, I just go, "Oh look, there you are. THINKING," without judgement or analysis. And what I am noticing lately is me going, "Oh look. I realize I'm pretty uncomfortable with this scenario or situation. I'm going to do this now," and there isn't the analyzing or judging or trying to process and figure out stuff for some things. (NOT EVERYTHING, mind you, just some things.) How friggin dreary is it to wonder why the hell you are doing something that you just realized you aren't liking! "Is it nature? Or Nurture?" Maybe it's just because I fell asleep again even though I was operating on auto pilot and nobody could tell, not even me, that I was in a trance. I'm noticing that I'm not as bothered and I'm more able to respond in clarity. There, that's the right sentiment. It just took me several paragraphs... Yes, this is what I'm noticing and I like it. (I would like to find a good editor!) So that's it in a nutshell for today, Wednesday (which is now early Thursday.) all blessings, Linda