Byron Katie's work. By the end of the day, I was feeling MUCH much better. Got my sassy attitude back which is always a sign that I'm feeling back to normal! hahaha I had planned a trip a few weeks ago to head down to NJ a little early. A lot of my dearest friends live in NJ and most of my family lives there as well so I'm one of a few people that really loves NJ. (I think it took me to move away from it for a while to really appreciate it. NJ CRACKS me up to be honest.) Anyway, I planned to take the train down from VT and as I was feeling much better so I still had every intention to make the trip. Just before bed, I was getting that feeling like I wasn't feeling quite 100% again and yet I went to bed all packed and ready to go. I had a not so great night of sleep. I tossed and turned and woke up at 5 am. I started doing what has been typical and habitual for me throughout my life: I was convincing myself that everything was fine and that even though I wasn't feeling 100% better, I could rest in the train and on and on. All seemingly positive stuff, right? So what was the problem! "Just quit your whining and go back to bed so you can get up, see the kids off and get on the train so you can have some fun, dammit!" :-) So I did the Byron Katie thing by making a statement: "I want to go to NJ tomorrow." Then asked the question: "Is that true?" My answer: "Yes! I want to see my friends and my family and have some time to myself for a few days before my own family joins me for thanksgiving... And then again, No, I want to rest up so I can feel 100% better and do nothing and not be 'on' and not have to worry about traveling & what to eat & how I'll get around without my own transportation..." So then came anther question: "How do you feel with this story that 'I want to go to NJ tomorrow." My answer: "A bit restless and not at all peaceful." So I realized there was a conflict here! So then the next question: "How would I feel without the thought of I want to go to NJ tomorrow?" My answer was: "I'd feel relieved." WOW! I had no idea! What a turnaround! This is what it means, to me, to really be gentle with ourselves and our lives. There was so much self-talk that was telling me that I'm going to have so much fun and all the kinks and unknowns would all work out and I'd get rest, etc. etc. And you know? I honestly believe that that would be the truth. Everything always does work out for the best and I would have found rides to the healthy food store for my juices and salad fixin's and I would have found rides to friends' houses, etc. I totally would have had a blast, I'm sure. But there was this inner voice that said, "I want to stay home," and I totally wasn't even letting that voice come in. Being positive or optimistic also means that it's ok to listen to the reality of one's body or mental/emotional state in that moment. And you know what? While it's true that a very small part of me (the ego part, I realize) felt bummed to have these plans changed, I didn't honestly feel an ounce of guilt or shame about it. I honestly felt relieved and these have been like bonus days for me. Nothing on the calendar purposely because I wasn't supposed to be here so everything became bonuses:
- My friend called and asked if I would join her on her errands so we had fun and laughter as we went into town and back.
- I got my box of Sea Chi items that I LOVE and plan to sell in my cafe/store so I was overjoyed to have my facial creme back (I was out of it for almost a week! YIKES!)
- I stopped by the school at *precisely* the time of a meeting I had forgotten about and heard about all the fun stuff that will be happening for art and dance in the school the rest of this year.
- I got to ask about having my son tested so we can all have a clearer picture on how he learns so the teachers can help him learn things better. (I've been saying for ever that he thinks 3-dimensionally and I've wanted for years for him to be tested so that he can see that his difference means something cool for him...)
- And when I got home, I saw that my daughter was looking a bit under the weather again. She tends to have lungs similar to my husband and when she gets sick, it quite easily goes to her lungs. So I gave her a few homeopathic remedies and things to help her rest without coughing and again, I wouldn't have been able to do that if I wasn't there.